爆笑段子：看来这孩子是废了，要不……我们再生一个健康的

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军训时，不远处路过几个超短裙学姐，我们冲教官使眼色，教官无奈的看了下我们：好了，都有，趴下匍匐前进！我刚趴下，谁知教官一把拉起我说：这位同学，你这动作不对，站旁边看我给你示范下。说完就趴下了，留我一人在旁凌乱。
在某快餐正点餐呢，一大姐窜到我前面，就像没排过队一样对着服务员：两个红豆派，快点，我着急！服务员提醒道：不好意思，是这位小姐先来的，请您排队。这大姐不情不愿的排在了我后面，我怒从心头起，恶向胆边生，大声问了一句：红豆派还有几个？服务员：九十五个。我转头：听见没有，急什么！

小时候看电视就喜欢模仿剧里的人。有次在家我躺地上手脚抽搐，翻着白眼……我爸妈吓坏了，赶紧带我去了医院，医生看后说没什么事。看到爸妈一脸不信的表情，我当时觉得特别自豪，感觉自己都可以去当演员了，于是乎，我就从原来的每天一次“发病”，发展到每天三到四次“发病”，把我爸妈愁的啊，整天看着我唉声叹气。一天半夜，我起床小便，偷听到他俩说：看来这孩子是废了，要不...我们再生一个健康的
办公室有个迷糊的小姑娘，一次培训要我们交两张相片，她随手放在一个纸袋里，结果要用才发现弄混了，她冲我们喊道：“大家快过来，帮我玩过这把连连看。”

表弟：“当然快乐！这么地，我有一款游戏非常带劲！就是还没有汉化版，全是英文......”
有一女同学突然做起了微商，在朋友圈卖洗发水，然后我一哥们问她:“你这产品好用吗？不会是假的吧？”女同学很生气的说:“不好用我嫁给你！”哥们一听人家都说这话了肯定不会骗他，于是就直接买了，结果用了之后头皮屑就出来了，气的哥们找女同学理论，女同学二话没说当天就去了他家见了哥们的家长，非要履行诺言嫁给他~

上实验课我不小心摔破了一根试管，老师要求我赔偿5元，可我身上只有10元，老师又没钱找给我，气氛十分尴尬，幸好我及时抓起另一根试管摔在地上。。
有的人真的会记得前世的记忆，就拿我来说吧，我依稀还记得，那年我逃过了天兵天将的追捕，一跃跳下雷池的记忆，逃脱前我兄弟嘱咐我的一句话现在依然回响在耳边：千万不要和凡人谈恋爱啊，你要记得你是神仙，是的，所以现在我还单身！我跟你们那些单身狗真的不一样！

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